Persistence

I'm constantly thrown back to myself twelve years old fallen to my knees in the snow
Because the amount of As on that piece of paper didn't correspond to what I thought I was worth
It's every time guilt cripples me into a shell of skin that only wants to erase itself
It's every time I doubt the air I breathe and it's all too big for me
It's swollen eyes and breathless cries because failure clips wings and flight is futile
Because failure is deemed irregularly, indescribably, incoherently
It's the need to dissolve because dissolution is the only antidote to the inability to be great
A life stretched between extremities
It's craving arms to hold me up like a skeleton
And hating my skin for sticking to another's in the morning
It's the persistence of heated arguments inside my brain that births the persistence that drives me
It's evil but necessary
And sometimes the night is too dark and the rain is heavy
On lungs that crave recovery
Sometimes expectations drown out reality
And I'm twelve years old with a piece of paper on my knees
I'm a child building sandcastles beneath the waves